Forgive the lack of posts, but I am only now coming up for air from the class-5 white-water flood of carnal and epicurean delights that accompanied my wife’s ascendancy from a blog that no one reads, to a blog that a couple of people read.
Every milestone in the stats count was greeted with new wonders. 7k, 8k, 10k, 20k, 50k. Woo-hoo! Unfortunately, I only took pictures of the food ones.
Who knew the secrets to a happy marriage were so simple. I thought it was all about begging, cajoling, and guilting her into having sex with a poor, libidinally-starved man who pays all the bills, and really has very simple needs when you come right down to it. But now I know — that doesn’t work. The real secret, and I should’ve known this all along, is JUST FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE HER HAPPY! Whatever it is — gifts, flowers, compliments, children, credit cards, or even blog hits. Do whatever it takes.
But alas, success is just failure in a prettier dress. For once we surpassed our goal of 10,000 hits three fold, my wife insisted that we need to make money off this thing. After all, mahi mahi is not cheap. And neither are latex gloves.
Thus, the blissfully free wordpress.com site was transformed, seemingly overnight, into an advertiser-laden beast called “Best Parent Ever.” Money-making schemes greet viewers from all corners — from the overpriced t-shirts, to the Amazon Associate links, and Google Adsense boxes. The problem is, as many of you already know, “internet revenue” is a cruel joke perpetrated by Wall Street shylocks and IPO-puking financial freaks. There IS NO REVENUE! I think in three weeks, and about 50,000 page impressions, we’ve made about $1.87. This is why Google is so rich. And we’re not. I wish I thought of that business model.
And this is where The Blogspouse’s tale takes a turn for the worse. A few days ago, my wife informed me she had her period. I frowned, and asked: “So… when do you think it will, you know, be over?” She very clearly stated: “WHEN WE MAKE MORE THAN $1.87 IN GOOGLE ADS!”
So here I am again, hungry and alone, with nothing but my blog and my dreams of better days.
Thanking you in advance for your words of comfort and support.